My Front-Page Embarrassment: 1 Tip for a More Inclusive Holiday Season
Trigger warnings: health, family, finances, being unhoused
“Candace Yung, a Grade 5 Student, Wants Nothing for Christmas.”
I stare at the front page of the town newspaper with my name bolded on the headline accompanied by a picture of my letter. I went from being confused by the assignment to being confused as to why I was in the newspaper. Did I do something wrong? Are they making fun of me because I misunderstood the instructions?
I remember the assignment – write a letter to Santa and tell him what you want for Christmas. But I do not know who Santa is! Why would I ask a complete stranger to give me stuff for free?! I think I politely declined by saying I did not want anything from this man named “Santa”...
I look back at the incident now and recognize my letter was likely featured because it was an entertaining anomaly out of the hundreds of letters to Santa. (It was also probably a slow news day for this to make front-page headline news). I remember being incredibly embarrassed because my confusion was being advertised as news.
The newspaper headline was only the beginning. Despite celebrating Christmas now, there still have been numerous occasions in my adulthood when my point of differences stung:
During a year-end party for my division, I was put into a small table group for the icebreaker where we were asked to share, “What is your favourite childhood memory during Christmas?”. I listened as everyone shared beautiful stories of fun vacation getaways, family dinners, and dream gifts. I dreaded when it would be my turn to speak. I did not grow up with the concept of Christmas and I did not have a happy childhood. Thankfully, we ran out of time before it got to me. Despite not having to share, I left that party grieving my childhood.
I was a university student living in dorms. Unfortunately, the dorms closed for three weeks over the holiday season and no one was allowed to stay. All my friends were excited to go back home to see their loved ones. At this time, I did not have a home to go back to. I was afraid that I would spend the holidays alone sleeping outside again. I spent days awkwardly and desperately reaching out to people and posting on social media to see if I could stay with anyone over the break. I will never forget how scared, lonely, and ashamed I felt - especially when I was asked questions like, “What are your big plans over the break?” and “Are you excited to go home for the holidays?”. I often made up a bland answer to avoid having to explain my circumstances.
The list could go on! But I am extremely fortunate because since then, I have been welcomed into other families, created my own home, and I have started my own holiday traditions. I now have incredibly fond memories that I have created over the last few years. But the various moments when I was made to feel different during this time still resonate with me.
Here is my one tip for individuals to make this a more inclusive season for all:
Do Not Assume.
For example:
Do not assume everyone celebrates Christmas.
There are numerous other holidays, observances, celebrations, and customs at this time (E.g. Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ōmisoka, Bodhi Day, Pancha Ganapati). If you are not 100% sure what someone observes, say “Happy Holidays” instead of the assumed “Merry Christmas”. This shift in language is to recognize that there are other important times in December. Whether you say, “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Holidays” or anything else for that matter, should depend on who you are speaking to!
Do not assume that this is a happy season for everyone.
Some people find this time particularly difficult due to financial pressures, familial obligations, religious expectations, political upheaval, increased social demands, being unhoused, losing loved ones, not having family nearby, struggling with their health, etc. For example, asking “What are you and your family doing over the holidays?” or “What gifts did you get this year?” may be uncomfortable and/or triggering for some.
The examples I provided above are not an exhaustive, comprehensive, or a fully representative list as there are many more experiences. However, I hope that what I presented is a starting point for reflection. While we should always be mindful of who may not be included at any given time, the month of December often requires additional intention. This time is usually surrounded by assumptions filled with notions of family, feasts, presents, and celebration. However, that is not the reality for all.
Do not assume anything. Listen and learn. Make space for everyone and every experience.
Wishing you all health, happiness, and peace – no matter how you choose to spend your time this season!
With love, Candace
Reflection Questions:
What holidays, observances, celebrations, and/or customs are important to me?
What support and/or boundaries do I need during the holiday season?
What do I currently know about the various holidays, observances, celebrations, and/or customs in December?
How can I make space for, support, and/or learn more about people who have different holidays, observances, celebrations, and/or customs than myself?